Welcome back to the ☾* blog!
National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) falls during the last week of April. I wanted to share my story. I have asked GOD so many times to help me write my story to bring comfort or advice for someone struggling to have a baby. When I start to write... I go blank. My story that controlled my life for 5.5 years, is hard to write. My story ended. It was by far the hardest thing I ever went thru, but the pain that once was on my heart every single day, doesn’t exist now. So my story isn’t important anymore... what is important is all the stories that are happening right now that need a happy ending. 1 in 8 couples, over 74 million people struggle with infertility, someone you know, someone like me. I know it’s hard for anyone to know the pain unless you have personally experienced infertility. To be absolutely blunt- you have no idea the pain! It’s almost like we are in a secret club. I can be somewhere & visiting with someone I hardly know.. and the subject of “do you have kids?” always comes up. If they mention to me that they are “trying” to get pregnant & I respond “it took us 5.5 years, so many rounds of infertility before we were finally able to get pregnant” the mood will instantly change. You see, in a spilt second, that person I just met are instantly bonded together. She knows I know her desire deep in her soul, the pain she is feeling like no one else that hasn’t experienced infertility. Most importantly, she knows there is hope when I tell her I finally was able to get pregnant. We have a special relationship from that moment. It’s almost like we have a secret group together. When someone mentions “getting pregnant” she will immediately look to me & we will make eye contact and she knows I know the pain she is feeling. Even though she is smiling, I know she is dying inside. She knows I know how bad it hurts. I am a better person because of my struggles, now.. but then, I was bitter, hurt, angry, shattered, alone, scared, so many emotions. The pain was so real. It hurt so bad. I had to beg GOD not only for a baby, but to softener my heart because it was so hurt! I felt like no one understood. So today, I ask everyone struggling or not struggling to pray for all who desire to have a baby. I don’t mean to pray in passing - I ask you to drop to your knees and pray hard & loud for GOD to hear our prayers. Pray for the words to say when someone says “they are trying” for a baby. I ask you to take a second and touch her hand and let her know you truly care. Please don’t respond with how easy it was for you to get pregnant & how everyone in your family is so fertile. It’s not about you... it’s no longer about me... it’s all about them now.
I am praying for you all now...
Once I was finally able to get pregnant I knew immediately we would name him Asher. Asher in Hebrews means “happy” or “blessed”.
(Asher was one of the 12 tribes of Israel.)
Leah yearned for a baby & could not have one. When GOD finally blessed her with a baby, that another woman carried for her - she said (Genesis 30:13)
"And Leah said, Happy am I, for the daughters will call me blessed: and she called his name Asher."
I pray you all are “blessed”. And I will never stop praying. I promise you, I will never stop. I will always be a member of that secret group. Anywhere you see me, you can look at me & I will instantly know your pain. Hearing my fertility Dr tell me I was pregnant was words of joy, but now I live for those words coming from my life long friends in my secret club. The pain you feel is deep, but you are never alone.